So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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