If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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