This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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