saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Never underestimate the power of titties
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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