I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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