I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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