He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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