I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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