Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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