dude i'm inner monologue high
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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