Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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