shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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