I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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