I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize