we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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