Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize