i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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