The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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