smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
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Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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