he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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