I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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