Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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