He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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