Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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