She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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