I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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