It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My pussy is not your playground.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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