Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I didn't notice because vodka
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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