every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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