They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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