I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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