i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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