Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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