My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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