I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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