there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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