Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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