We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize