Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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