Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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