Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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