Will you blow on my dice?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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