just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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