I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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