i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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