you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize