Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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