It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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