You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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