is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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